December 30, 2014


Oy, 2014!  
What a year it was!

Starting year '14

This year I kept track of my activities and, most importantly, feelings. Every year I aim to develop as a person and I can proudly say that in 2014 this goal was greatly accomplished ^-^
I think I should quickly skim through every month of 2014, here we go:

I started this year by jumping straight into YouTube world. This gave me lots of new feelings and a whole bunch of inspirational people. I followed a new outlook in life, the life of adventure. Great start of the year, I may say!

Well, not the following month. February was a breakdown for me. It was a crisis, a chaos. My mind was doing its own thing in February.

March - April
Ah... My lovely March... Spring always brings crushes, right? Well, I'm not an exception. March and April were full of irrational dreaming, crushing and overthinking. Oh, also dancing, yes. Lots of dancing. We were practicing every other evening, sweating, preparing for summer performances.

I was still dancing in May, hehe. I loved it. Also got caught up into this whole blogging thing once again. This means that I found my old blog and decided to bring it to life. So started working on my blog which means I introduced myself to design!

Messy month, I'd say. Summer brought a hard time for me and my buddies. We had issues, it was heartbreaking and I never want to experience such things ever again ;_; Fighting with your friends is one of the worst experiences. Please appreciate your friends more! I had to learn this the hard way. Other than that, summer means more free time! So we had lots of sleepovers with a bunch of movies, we had an amazing night ride with girls and sadly, after summer dance festival, it was the end for our dance crew. June broke my heart a few times but also tried to fix it.

I beautifully turned 18! Haha..ha..ha. Actually, lots of things happened in July. This means me getting (finally!!!!!!) a camera for my birthday! With this, it came a time for learning new stuff. I mean for real, I learned so much throughout July. I learned how to photograph properly, I learned how not to fall off a skateboard (of course I fell, gawd), I still tried to get to know design better... though inside I was really lost. Ideas were attacking my mind but my heart couldn't find its place.

As I now recall, this was one of the chillest months so far. \n-n/ The most memorable experience was kayaking! It was always a dream of mine and being able to finally do it..ah it was beautiful. I love water and I wasn't afraid of sore arms but I was a bit scared of the river plants, I have a fear of them >.< I overcame the fear that day, I mean I had to! It felt a bit extreme to climb from a kayak into a canoe and vice versa haha. I loved every part of it! Good thing: got over my crush and could focus on my work once again! Triple yay!

Then September came... My whole life turned upside down and I'm not exaggerating one bit. It was a successful month. Firstly, I finally got a new laptop which meant I could take photographing, designing and every sort of creating more seriously. Secondly, I unintentionally found a 7 member hiphop group (BTS) which took me into this journey of a new culture, new habits, new feelings and tears of happiness, also reviving my love for hiphop. Lastly, pure happiness with a subtle taste of change it was. Oh, September also was a month without money haha.

This month was dedicated to BTS because I had to catch up on so many shows and their past recordings and broadcasts. Also did the most photoshoots this month and started creating my own little spaces where I could share my insights and works. That being my blog and my photo blog on Tumblr ^-^ Also a big accomplishment for me was donating blood for the first time. It went perfectly well, I'm a strong human being haha. It felt good, I feel like doing again in the future. I'm proud that I finally, after so much time, learned to work with GIFs properly! Ah yassss. On the sadder note, together with new experiences, I felt the first kicks of anxiety. Mornings were the hardest.

This month I felt the first symptoms of a change. While watching BTS' practices, I started missing dancing too much. There's no way I could go back to it at that point, so I had to just sit and be happy other people can dance and have a place to do it. November was hard because I am in 12th grade and trying to match my school work with extra-curricular projects got my nerves going crazy. Those projects slowly determined who I am and this was the time I finally understood the path I want to follow. I opened my blog in November and started doing fanart which I never ever did before. This means I got back to drawing! I also officially joined ARMY which is a fandom name. Now I'm stuck and there's no way of going back lol.

I cry everytime because miss this af ToT

I feel like December gifted me with inspiration. I don't know, it feels like the whole December I've been writing, drawing, sketching and rhyming :D Of course, my grades got jealous and decided to dr-dr-drop. Talking about grades and school, I found the direction and decided to follow it. I got some valuable life lessons, I started to become a better person. What a better way to be that than to learn from those who you love the most. I don't know, I was kinda lost, anxiety didn't help (though I learned to tackle it a bit) but finding my passions really helped with everything. Then winter break came and everything basically fell into place. This is how I end up my year. Calmly, happily and with a slight bit of excitement :3

I also found a few goals I wrote at the end of 2013. This is funny, because I kind of just go with the flow and never actually try to reach them. But now looking back I understand that I accomplished 5 goals out of written 9. Not bad as for someone like me haha. I'm aware that I left a few things unfinished, eg. ME + PHOTO Challenge but I feel like I should leave it like that. Some things are better left unfinished.

Now a bold statement can be made that 2014 has been a year for me to find myself and I successfully did it. I built a foundation for my future developments, with my ups and downs, with crisis and pleasant findings. I found a new family, therefore made new friends. I hope this is just a beginning with more excitement ahead.

Also sorry for the lenght, I honestly intended this post to be a bit shorter (oops)

May 2015 bring you happiness and inspiration for whatever you do or desire to do. Stay strong, move forward and leave some room for development. Let's be better, let's stand for what we love and believe in, let's open our hearts more, let's appreciate what we have, let's exchange joy ^-^ 

Note to self: let's not write such things and make people cringe, hehe, but as cliché as it sounds, it's all true n_n

December 26, 2014


"My upcoming second Christmas, I don’t even remember what I did last year
That’s how boring and uneventful that day was" - JK lyrics

I remember last year around this time I wrote a post about why Christmas is losing its actual meaning for me. Now I realized that I've deleted that post, uh wanted to link it. Anyway I'm glad I did, it was too negative and I want this place to be on the positive note ^~^

Even though this might not be the most cheerful post ever, but I will try to be on that note as much as I can.

Merry Christmas lovely people~! \('▿')/

To us it didn't feel festive until 2 days before Christmas when we got a small fake Christmas tree and then decided to be more cheerful and put up Christmas lights. It felt a bit better but still not as I remember.

This year money was a problem, so I had to think wise because I sure didn't want to leave most precious people in my life with nothing. As it is said, it's the thought that counts~ So why not make cupcakes? (Yup, lack of time also) And for my dearest family, I decided to bake cinnamon rolls which, I'm surprised, came out pretty well and my mom couldn't stop asking me if I really made them myself. (Yes mum, I did!)

We gathered, we ate, we communicated, we had a pretty fun time. Got home, went to bed. Woke up. Just like that, woke up. I remember Christmas night being one of the biggest miracles for me. Now I just went to bed and woke up. We gathered once again, gave little ones their presents, helped them enjoy their presents and when we all started saying our good-byes, we both took our wrapped somethings and got back home. I didn't expect anything special nor that I got the one thing I hoped for.

I guess I should be sad. But I'm not. This whole Christmas period made me think a lot and now I just appreciate the time I can spend with my family. Living just with my brother made me much more independent but also let me know what it's like to miss your family. I'm glad I got to spend some time with them, even though it wasn't quality time. I kept denying this fact, but family is important.

OH! There is ONE thing that made this Christmas amazing and really made us feel the holiday vibes! Guess whaaaaat! It's Harry Potter, ehehehe. I love it so much that I persuaded my brother to come watch the whole story with me and he got so caught up too! We watched 4 movies in 2 days and we ain't stoppin until Harry defeats Him Who Must Not Be Named~
ᕙ (°̀▭°́)ᕗ

This season I'm thankful to my close friends who accidentally, not knowing it themselves, make me feel better and bring back the joy of life to me. I am also very thankful to have such support like my brother and my mom who, I know, would support the craziest ideas of mine. Despite of these things, right now I am most thankful to the Universe for turning my little world upside down and letting me acknowledge some things which now are a part of my life and guide me through all good and bad. This little accident helped me find amazing people and even make friends! Never have I thought...

Looks like it's all that I've experienced this season! Though I received a lot, I hope I gave a lot, too. This now became one of the main goals of mine and I'm learning, I'm trying and I'm happy while doing it.

One more thing real quick! I think this year a miracle actually happened. What WHat wHat WHAt WHATTTTT???? Nothing! Sounds like I'm exaggerating but believe me, if you had to spend few years without snow on Christmas Eve, when hundreds of  years before it was impossible to survive in the snowstorms, you would feel the same way. Also It wouldn't be such a huge deal for me if it didn't snow exactly on Christmas Eve! Ah made me so so happy~ (っ^▿^)

As you can see, many thoughts encountered my mind and this always gives me some inspiration. I'll now leave this with a small something taken out of my mind. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, I hope everyone is safe and happy, I hope everyone is strong and I hope everyone will become stronger in the next year. We are fighting~

November 30, 2014

TOP Artists Right Now

Hi! Hey! Hello!

This time I want to share some music with you. To me, music isn't just for background noise or a way to completely forget everything and relax. Sure, these things do count but for me, music is much more than this. I like music which makes me think. I do think too much, actually, and it can become a struggle even with music but I like when it gets some kind of emotion out of me. I think this is the most important thing and now I want to share a few artists who are able to make me feel a certain way and let out a joyful sigh whenever their songs come on while on shuffle.

Recently I've been listening a lot to:

Bangtan Boys (BTS) / 방탄소년단


I won't comment much here. You should just know that I have at least 2 pages of reasons why I love this. I just do and I'm so so so excited for a new album and upcoming mixtapes!!! *cough*J-Hope*cough*
I also want to point out Let Me Know and Cypher PT.3 : Killer. A+++

Theophilus London
Album: Vibes

Ahhh, once it starts, I get chills. Theophilus is my most recent discovery (thanks to guys mentioned above) and I liked him once I played the first song.

Kendrick Lamar

I loved Kendrick ever since Swimming Pools became a hit and this song has a special place in my heart. It creates some kind of vibe which makes me wanna dance and lay in bed at the same time haha.

Wiz Khalifa
Album: Blacc Hollywood

Same as with Kendrick. I have known these artists for some time but it was just now that I started listening to more of their music.

Chris Brown

The classic, Chris. Loved him, love him and will probably love him in the future. Also these two songs make me either want to curl into my bed and stop breathing for 4 minutes or jam to them until I can't no more.

Maroon 5
Album: V

Okay this is a different genre but MAN IT IS SO GOOD. I never doubted Maroon 5's music and now it blew me away for good!!! Love this whole album but my favorites are It Was Always You and Sugar. Ahhh Adam, your voice!!!

So yay, these are the ones who take up the majority of my playlists. Maybe you didn't find anything new but at least listened to some good music (I hope) ❤(っ^▿^)
Quick post, hope you're all doing well!


November 22, 2014

Exposing Myself: Bold What's True About You

This helped to get to know myself better. I liked it. You should do one of these too.

My personality:
  • I’m loud.
  • I’m obnoxious.
  • I’m sarcastic. 
  • I’m cocky.
  • I cry easily.
  • I have a bad temper.
  • I’m easy to get along with.
  • I have more enemies than friends.
  • I’ve smoked.
  • I’ve smoked weed.
  • I drink coffee. 
  • I clean my room daily.
My appearance:
  • I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
  • I wear makeup.
  • I wear contacts.
  • I wear glasses 
  • I have braces.
  • I change my hair color often.
  • I straighten my hair often.
  • I have a piercing.
  • I have small feet.
  • I’m in a relationship now.
  • I’m single.
  • I’m crushin’.
  • I’m always scared of being hurt.
  • An ex has physically abused me at least once.
  • I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
  • I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
  • I’ve been in love more than two times.
  • I believe in love at first sight.
  • I believe lust is more important than love.

  • I have a best friend. 
  • I have at least ten friends.
  • I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
  • I’ve beaten up a friend.
  • I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend. (note: to the point we're not friends anymore and I'm glad)

  • I’ve been on a plane.
  • I’ve been on a train.
  • Someone close to me has died.
  • I’ve taken a taxi.
  • I’ve taken a city bus.
  • I’ve taken a school bus.
  • I’ve gone bungee jumping.
  • I’ve made a speech.
  • I’ve been in some sort of club.
  • I’ve won an award.
  • I’ve spent 24 Hours on the computer straight.
  • I’ve been in a physical fight. 

  • I listen to R&B.
  • I listen to country.
  • I listen to pop.
  • I listen to techno.
  • I listen to rock. 
  • I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.
  • I hate the radio.
  • I download music. 
  • I buy CDs.
  • I listen to hip hop. 
  • I have a favorite group/artist.

  • I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
  • I watch soap operas daily.
  • I’m in love with Days of Our Lives.
  • I’ve seen and liked the O.C.
  • I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill.
  • I’ve seen and liked Americas Next Top Model. 
  • I’ve seen and liked Popular.
  • I’ve seen and liked 24.
  • I’ve seen and liked CSI.
  • I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life:
  • I get along with both of my parents. 
  • My biological parents are still together.
  • I have at least one brother.
  • I have at least one sister.
  • I have at least one step brother/sister.
  • I have at least one half brother/sister.
  • I’ve been kicked out of the house.
  • I’ve ran away from my home. 
  • I’ve sworn at my parents.
  • I’ve made my parents cry. 
  • I’ve lied to my parents.
  • I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
  • I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
  • I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.
  • I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

  • I’ve been brown.
  • I’ve had streaks.
  • I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
  • I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
  • I’ve been blonde.
  • I’ve had black. 
  • I’ve been red.
  • I’ve been light brown.
  • I’ve been blue/green.
  • I’ve gotten my hair thinned. 
  • I use conditioner.
  • I’ve used silk therapy.
  • I’ve used hot oil treatments.
  • I’ve curled my hair.
  • I’ve straightened my hair.
  • I’ve ironed my hair.
  • I’ve braided my hair.
  • I’ve yelled at a teacher.
  • I’ve been suspended.
  • I’ve had an in-school suspension.
  • I’ve been sent to the principals office.
  • I’ve walked out of class.
  • I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
  • I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. 
  • I’ve failed a test.
  • I’ve cheated on a test.
  • I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test. 
  • I’ve failed Art.
  • I’ve failed P.E.
  • I’ve failed math.
  • I’ve failed another class.
  • A teacher has called my parents. 


November 15, 2014

Relationship Goals

Hello fellas! I am sorry for taking this far too long but hey~~ I finally finished everything! The design is done! Nothing special though, but I feel like this one expresses me and my blog more accurately. Now you just need to anticipate for upcoming posts and other content J I know that I’m excited~!

As for today’s post, I want to share with you some thoughts of mine about relationships. Sadly, this won’t be about love hehe *experience level: too low*

Ever since I remember myself, I loved people and as creepy as it sounds, I still love watching how they act and behave, how they express feelings, emotions, how they communicate and how they connect with other people. I like observing everything, especially people. I always watch their body language, face expressions and eyes. These things say so much about a person, it’s insane! This is why sometimes I can predict what my friends will say or what they have in mind but don’t say out loud. Hehe makes me kind of dangerous? Be aware! Ah, this is funny~

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about people, their behaviours and relationships between friends. For the past few months I’ve been forced to think about my future, my own path, my desire and passion for… what? That question had to be answered and because of some unexpected discoveries (a very warm and sincere thank you to myself for this accident and for leaving all the prejudice aside), I managed to find few answers which at least show me the direction now. To connect all of this, it involves people and relationships. I hope I cleared up a bit the topic for today! If not, huh, bear with me please!

First off, let’s make a point that I want a group of people in my life. You know, that all-for-one-and-one-for-all kind of team. Since I strongly believe in teamwork, having these people would let all of us move mountains! Imagine if all of us went the same direction, had similar goals and also were really good friends… Gawd, I really really like the idea of a team, crew, group, squad, you name it.

As I mentioned before, I observe so much and I made a clear image of what a perfect relationship would look like to me. Therefore, I made a list! (Yeah, I do those things =^^=)

Bye, competition –

I know this issue can ruin relationships. Particularly between girls. We do like to compete, right? Who’s prettier, who can do better, who knows this better, who has more skill… no! To be able to leave the whole competing aside and acknowledge friends’ achievements, also learn from them – this is the beauty of a relationship;

Compromise –

Letting go of categorical opinions is a huge step. I often get so annoyed when someone doesn’t even let you finish you talk and just states: “Well no, I don’t think that way”. Okay, everyone has opinions but listening to others and discussing different points of view is so teamwork-ish that it can lead to amazing ideas and decisions;

Similar goals –

I find it so beautiful when people have similar goals (field of interest remains the same but the goals can differ so so much) and they help each other! Maybe one has experience in it and can help the other, the same vice versa;

Spoken truth –

People who tell you the truth about you are the best. This way you can see your flaws followed by constructive criticism. I appreciate these this so much. Hearing things like that from people close to you make you want to improve and you simply go and start making yourself a better person. Undoubtedly, truth cannot be said without respect. Appreciate the person firstly, then tell the truth and the person will show appreciation as well;

Loyalty –

Friends who stick to you through good and bad are to die for. This kind of relationship with loyalty as strong as affection creates magic. Whenever I see this in people, it makes me really happy. I want to feel this one day, too;

Trusting each other –

I’m sad – I’ll run to you. I have anxiety – I’ll run to you. I want to let something off my mind – I’ll definitely run to you. Having someone you can pour your heart to is invaluable and heart-warming but having a few people – that’s a real bargain. Imagine those genuine midnight talks where nobody is judged and everything makes sense;

You got game? –

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH when friends don’t need explanations for their actions. When one starts acting silly and completely incomprehensible and others just join in, regardless of them understanding what’s going on! It becomes some kind of improvisation, haha. I can’t help myself – being silly as I am, I adore this really much, though no one ever understands me and I’m just doing most random things by myself;

Being mean does not always mean somebody’s mean –

Picking on people is necessary. It’s one of the ways I communicate. If I’m playfully mean to you – that means I love you. Let’s be honest, it’s entertaining to make fun of friends. Having many inside jokes, good and bad memories, knowing each other’s secrets – all of this adds up and makes the best jokes ever. Ah, being like that really enlivens the relationship and I couldn’t live with that. Being good friends means laughing it off and getting a few counterattacks every now and then;

You are cute, I am cute, we’re all cute –

I don’t know man, I like cute people. Can’t help myself here and acting overly cute is just a thing! Being cute and weird makes everything better, also referring to the point no.7;

^ All of this is great, I want people like this to step into my life but there is one thing that matters the most. 

Respect –

No genuine relationship can be made without respect. If you respect people, they respect you. Whether it’s a friend, a family member or a colleague – they all are people and they all deserve respect. I believe this really makes a difference.

Oh and I also want to work with my squad in the future;


Here it is, told everything I had in mind. Now I just have to find these people, haha! Setting jokes aside, this may sound like I want too much. I agree, nobody’s perfect and some of my friends can think I don’t appreciate them because they don’t have certain traits. No worries, I extremely appreciate my friends, even if I’m not able to show it. I cannot change them and even if sometimes I want, I won’t try to do that. You cannot change other people unless they want to change themselves – then you can just offer your help. That’s why I’m trying to change myself to someone who does everything that I stated above. I’m aiming to show more love and appreciation~

Being completely honest, right now I don’t feel the support from them and I’m totally fine with that. I know my friends have their own problems and worries and I’d absolutely love to help each one of them to cope with their obstacles. I’m also aware that I need attention and after knowing myself better, I can finally admit it. I know I’m not the most important person in the world but I’m quite important to myself. Whenever I get anxious (and recently this became a huge problem), all I want is to let it out somewhere but then again the expectations for getting enough attention are too high and I end up holding everything in. Those are scary times because everything seems to be wrong and quickly falling apart. At least I have sheets of paper and a pen. They become my only friend and I wish I could put everything to words more easily.

Now that I thought of it, I should work on it. Thank you for listening.
In return, I want to listen to you so please share anything from your mind in the comments ❤